Depression hurts

I wish I could say the reason I’ve been so out of sorts the last couple of days was a premonition of Christine’s death, but I know that just isn’t the case.

I was shocked and saddened to learn of her suicide. While I want to learn what happened, I know it’s probably for the best not to know.

I always considered Chris a friend even though we’d lost touch for a long time after high school. She was always so nice and easy to talk to but I was always too shy to ask her out.

I was so happy to see her and James come in to see me at work. Sometimes she would come in by herself when she was in town and visit for a bit which always brightened my day.

A few months ago she told me that she’d broken up with James and her job had ended but she was optimistic about her future and she would stay in touch. That never happened.

I’ve thought about her a few times since and last month I asked her brother how she was doing. He told me she was doing good, but obviously not.

It’s been a lifetime since I’ve had any thoughts of suicide, but I remember them well.  I’m often reminded of them everytime one of those “Depression hurts” commercials is on tv because I know it’s true. While I obviously didn’t follow through on any of those thoughts I do understand the process that can lead people to that conclusion. The pain that inflicts on others though, that is a different story. It’s been said that the dying is the easy part. And for those of us left behind with the pain and guilt it seems so true.

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